CrossTrainers at South Hills Church of the Nazerene

In this section:

Spring Is Here!

Sometimes It Isn't Easy

The Power of Grace-based Parenting

Teaching Your Teen About Alcohol

Youth Culture

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

Romans 1:16-17 NIV

For Parents Only

The Power of Grace-Based Parenting
By: Tim Kimmel and Jim Burns, From homeword.com

It’s been suggested that the highest goal of parenting is to help our kids grow up to become responsible, functioning adults with a strong Christian faith. In light of that, two of the greatest gifts we can give our kids are support and guidance along the way, so that they can become the adults whom God has created them to be. Not many adults disagree concerning the importance of these issues, but because many of us were raised by parents who used shame-based and fear-based parenting styles, we’ve ended up adopting one of two extreme parenting styles in our attempt to guide. Some parents choose a legalistic parenting style whereby we place extreme boundaries on our kids that aren’t necessarily biblical, because we want to keep them safe. Others have taken the opposite extreme – reckless parenting – in which we allow our kids to do pretty much anything they want. God wants parents to avoid both of these extremes because, in the end, we’ll be disappointed by the results that both extremes produce.

Thankfully, grace-based parenting is the alternative that provides the results we really want! Grace-based parenting is powerful! Simply stated, grace-based parenting is treating your children like God treats His children! God doesn’t deal with us according to our sins, rather He willingly, through His son Jesus Christ, extended grace to us, taking the penalty for our sins upon Himself, setting us free. Even so, grace-based parenting sets a family free! God wants to set us free from our own shortcomings and from the cultural forces that seek to imprison us. Grace-based parenting is not without limits and boundaries. Biblically-grounded boundaries are important because they provide kids the freedom to live within valuable limits and to honor God with their lives.

Grace-based parenting meets our kids’ deepest needs and gives them important freedoms which enable them to grow up into the responsible, strong Christian adults we hope for them to become. Allow us to elaborate on these needs and freedoms:

The Needs
1. The Need to Feel Secure.
Our kids are facing a culture where they’re being told that nothing is certain for them – not even the knowledge of right and wrong. Well, when you let God’s grace be your parenting guide, you can instill into your kids the hope of a future spent with Him and the assurance that there is truth, and that they can find authentic relationships. Now, more than ever before, God’s grace brings that kind of much-needed security.

2. The Need for Significance.
Kids today want to know what their life means. They’re hungry to discover their sense of purpose. They want their lives to matter! If they try to measure themselves against the world’s standards, they’ll never truly find significance. But, once you show them their true value in God’s eyes, you’ll cement that sense of significance into their souls!

3. The Need to be Strong.
The world has changed so much, even in the brief period of time since your kids were born – who’s to say how much more change your children will have to manage as they move into their young adult years! Fortunately, you know that God’s grace is the ultimate source of strength, and in passing that knowledge on to your kids, you’re equipping them with the strong hope they’ll need to face the future with confidence.

The Freedoms:
1. The Freedom to be Different.
Sometimes the way our kids are just bothers us. It’s not that they are morally bad, but they are weird, bizarre, strange, goofy or quirky. Too often, parents make these quirks into moral issues when they are not; that can leave kids alienated from us, and from God. Instead, parents need to accept how God has hardwired their kids and not seek to change them. This, of course, doesn’t mean that clearly inappropriate behavior should not be addressed – in fact, it should! But, when it comes to those things that simply make our kids “different,” even if we don’t like them, we ought to give them the freedom to be the person whom God created them to be!

2. The Freedom to be Vulnerable.
Kids don’t want to wear masks. They want their homes to be safe places where they can be vulnerable and authentic, sharing their thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams, while not fearing that their feelings, ideas and thoughts will be used against them.

3. The Freedom to be Candid.
Is your home a safe place where your kids can disagree with you without fear of punishment? Grace-based parenting gives kids the freedom to be candid with you. Two-way dialogues are important. We have to allow kids the freedom to be able to respectfully point out our own shortcomings.

4. The Freedom to Make Mistakes.
Grace-based parenting doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences for behaviors. Disappointments and mistakes need to be processed and dealt with, but in grace-based parenting, these never mean the end of the relationship! When our children are hardest to love, we need to love them the most. To a certain extent, you have to let kids fail. You can’t make a kid love God or love church, but you can love them. The more grace they see from us, the more they’ll see God.

Our kids need a strong hope for the future! So much of that strong hope is based in grace -- grace from God and grace from us, as parents. One of the common failures of parents is the preoccupation with raising safe Christian kids, which actually leads us away from relying on God and His grace! God doesn’t call us to a safe life, but rather to a life of strong reliance upon Him! Our goal isn’t to raise safe Christian kids, but rather to rear strong Christian kids. That’s the result our hearts most desire. So, be a model of living out a strong Christian life and of parenting with grace! Empower your kids to live out their great spiritual adventure! We believe you’ll find that grace-based parenting can make a huge impact in the lives of your kids!

Tim Kimmel is the executive director of Family Matters and is the author of the award-winning book, Grace-Based Parenting.Taken from: www.HomeWord.com / 800.397.9725.